By Alicia Searl, Crosswalk.com
This Valentine’s Day, all I want is you.
You to notice me.
You to sweep me off my feet again.
You to help me.
You to do the planning and be creative.
You to listen.
I just need you.
Attention Husbands: It’s weeks away, and maybe you’ve already asked your precious wife what she wants (or would like to do) for Valentine’s, and you got a simple answer along these lines of “I don’t want anything” or “We don’t really need to celebrate.” Now you’re torn - what to do?
Maybe the two of you don’t hype up this holiday or feel it’s silly, overdone, and a little superficial. And quite honestly, I can understand that train of thought. But the other side of me believes that if there is an opportunity to showcase the love we have for our spouses, we should take every advantage of it!
On a personal note: I have been joyfully married for twenty years. I just prefer saying that over “happily married” because, in reality, we aren’t always happy. Sometimes we’ve been “angrily married” or “annoyed married.” But by the grace of God, we have been able to hold on to joy and each other, especially in the hardest and most difficult times. Like most married couples, we’ve fallen into ruts, encountered times when our love grew stale, and waltzed into seasons when we took each other for granted, which is why we choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day. We feel it is important to rekindle the love in our marriage.
So, whether you celebrate this lovie-dovie holiday or not, your wife wants (and needs) to know you still see her and that you want to make her feel treasured, valued, and loved. And I can assure you, the last thing you want is an upset or disappointed wife, all because she said she didn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, and you delivered her just that. Nothing.
Re-read the note above. If your sweet bride could write you a note of what she really wanted, it may resemble something similar. Yes, you can always bring home chocolates or flowers, which are nice, but please remember this: the real gift lies in how you make her feel.
So, what does she want from you, dear husband? She wants you to:
1. Notice Her
When was the last time you looked at your wife? I’m not talking about a quick glance or glaring at her to hurry up so you can pile all the kids into the car to head off to the soccer game. I am talking about really looking at her - and seeing her. Taking notice of parts of her that you may have forgotten over the years because life has gotten so busy.
Your wife wants to know you “still notice” all those little things. Like that little mole under her cheek or that cute smirk she makes when you crack a wise joke. It’s invaluable for her to know you still find her attractive and beautiful. So, sweetly tell her what you see.
Hubby Hint: Sometimes, you don’t even have to say anything at all; just the fact that you are looking at her with loving eyes is all that needs to be said. If you haven’t done that in quite some time, she’ll notice you noticing her.
2. Sweep Her off Her Feet…Again
As much as our culture would like to say otherwise, chivalry is not dead. In fact, most women love to be treated like royalty and pampered a little bit. And yes, simple gestures go a long way. From extending your arm for her to grab hold of to walking on the street side of the street shows you long to protect her and keep her safe.
This Valentine’s Day, try taking her hand and dancing with her in the living room or create a cozy setting with a fire pit and invite her to sit close.
Hubby Hint: Also consider your wife’s love language. Think about what makes her feel loved and strive to provide that for her. If she is an “acts of service” kind of girl, clean the dishes without being prompted or put the kids to bed. If she is more of a “physical touch” girl, rub her feet or play with her hair. But, by being intentional and recognizing how she likes to be loved, you’ll sweep her off her feet and have her saying, “aww,” in no time.
3. Give Her a Break
Think about everything your sweet wife does for you and your family. How can you help her? Can you take the kids to school one day or offer to make dinner? Maybe the simple act of giving her some time to soak in the tub or read a book in peace in the bedroom might mean the world to her.
Try bringing her some tea or coffee in bed and let her know she has the day off. Just see how she responds. I don’t know of any mom who would say “no” to that!
Hubby Hint: Just a little peace and quiet does wonders for a mom filled to the brim with school activities, schedules, and constant noise. Take all the children out of the house for a moment and let her just sit in a quiet home. It will refuel her love tank, trust me.
4. Plan Something Special
Life can be busy, and before you know it, you realize date nights have fizzled out, and the love that used to be filled with sparks is growing rather dim. I’ll let you in on a little secret: Your wife needs you to light it back up!
Plan it! Get the sitter, find the time and place, and book a reservation. Make her your top priority. She needs to know you want to spend time with her and that you will go out of your way to make it happen – because you love her that much!
Hubby Hint: If your wife is the one that is always making the arrangements for date night, then take the reins on that. Believe me; she needs you to. Besides, you will find that she’ll be less stressed and more apt to welcome the romance you need as well.
5. Lovingly Listen
Have you noticed how difficult it has become to truly listen to others? Between the many distractions to wanting to jump in and steal the conversation, formulating your own response, or fixing the problem, listening (actual attentive listening) has become a lost art form.
And I am guilty. As a stay-at-home mom who rarely has adult conversations, I tend to over dominate a conversation when I get the chance to talk. But, let me tell you, your wife not only wants you to listen, but she needs you to listen to her. When you listen attentively without jumping in, it shows her you care about what she has to say. Let her share her heart and finish sentences. It is so important that you let her speak and hear her out. You may learn and realize things that have gone unnoticed.
Hubby Hint: If she stops speaking or gives you the silent treatment, open up to her and be vulnerable. When you tell her how you feel, she’ll be more willing to share her heart as well.
6. Get Creative
I don’t know of many (if any) women who don’t love to feel special. It shows when you take the time to make things personal and do your best to touch her heart. From a simple love note that shares meaningful words that are only shared between the two of you to a picnic lunch with some of her favorite foods, she’ll be wrapping her arms around you, grinning from ear to ear, and yes, there may even be tears involved.
So, what would make your bride feel special? Think of things you may have done back in your dating days and replay them. Surprise her with a fun activity the two of you used to do. Bring her a bouquet of flowers to her work. Ask about her dreams and dream together.
Ultimately, your wife does not want to be taken for granted. Let her know you wouldn’t do this life with anyone else and that you are so grateful that you are doing this life – together!
Hubby Hint: Your wife knows when you go the extra distance and choose to do something that speaks only to her heart. Be intentional; send sweet texts or notes that will build up the anticipation and keep her excited to see you.
7. Tell Her What You Want
So, what do you want from your wife this Valentine’s Day? She truly wants to know. Make a point to tell her what you want and need from her. If you cherish her and honor her with your words and actions, making her feel special and loved, you will be a rich and blessed man.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25
Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy. Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.